


Alone In This Bed

by wizzardess



Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, M/M, Self-Harm, Song fic, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-20
Updated: 2012-12-20
Packaged: 2017-11-21 18:12:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/600680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wizzardess/pseuds/wizzardess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's been an accident and Bill wants his brother back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone In This Bed

**Author's Note:**

> Song - Framing Hanley: Alone In This Bed

_Waking up without you, it doesn’t feel right  
To sleep with only memories, is harder every night  
And sometimes, I think I can feel you, breathing on my neck_

“Tom?” I whisper into the dark room. Wasn’t that him? Didn’t he slide in to bed next to me? I could have sworn I felt his fingers on my hip. I shut my eyes and hear voices in the distance. Laughter. Are they laughing at me? Rolling over I grab the comforter and pull it tighter. It’s funny how it’s called a comforter yet it really offers no comfort. He was here. Wasn’t he?

_Tonight I’m reaching out to the stars  
I think that He owes me a favour  
It doesn’t matter where you are  
I’ll hold you again_

Sweat beads down my back, over my forehead, down my cheek. I swipe at it with the back of my hand, but it keeps coming. I taste salt on the tip of my tongue and sit up in the bed. It’s too hot to sleep, but I’m shivering on the inside. I look around and the room is still dark, still empty. I get up and pad barefoot to the sliding glass doors. The view is beautiful, all sand and ocean. I open the glass and whisper to the rolling waters, “Tom?”

Wasn’t he just here? I thought...where am I? It’s humid, and salty, outside. The ocean air clings to my skin, my hair. It dampens my skin with its caress. He should have been back by now. I look at the stars and they twinkle back at me. Such happy little stars, what do they know? Mocking me with their brightness. Laughing at me from way up there; laughing at my misfortune. Misfortune? Where’s my phone? I hug myself and try to remember where I’ve left that stupid phone. It was here. _He_ was here. I shiver and go back inside.

_I wish I could hear your voice  
Don’t leave me alone in this bed  
I wish I could touch you once more  
Don’t leave me alone in this bed  
Not tonight, not tomorrow_

I slip between the covers, they’re chilled. Without us entwined beneath them, the silk stays cold. I roll over and grab the pillow, clutch it to my chest and inhale deeply. _Him_. He’s here. I drift out of consciousness and I can hear him. He’s so far away, he’s begging for me to help him. If only I could get this stupid seatbelt off! I see him and he’s crying. He’s pounding on the glass. “I’m here! I’m here! Bill!!!!” He drops to his knees and I can hear his fists beating against the car door. I gasp awake, the pillow still lodged between my arms in a vice-grip. Bill? But, I’m Bill. He’s Tom. Tom. _Tom?_ “Tom...don’t leave me alone here. Please.” Tears burn in my eyes and I lie back down. _Alone_.

_I’ve got the feeling, that this will never cease  
Living in these pictures, it never comes with ease  
I swear if I could make this right, you’d be back by now_

The bright sun shines into the room, disrupting my restless sleep. Time to get up. I wander the empty house. _Our house_. Maybe this time he’ll be on the back porch, waiting for me to wake and join him for a swim. Maybe. 

“Oh, Tom...it’s Tuesday. We have to meet our friends for drinks. Where are you?” I’m staring at a portrait of him that I had drawn a couple of years ago. He loved it so much he had it framed and said it needed to be shown off. It hangs in the foyer, the only picture in there, so that everyone that comes in the front door can see it. So proud. If I knew how to get it off its hook I’d take it down. My arms wrap around myself; it’s cold, isn’t it?

_Tonight I’m screaming out to the stars  
He knows, He owes me a favour  
It doesn’t matter where you are  
You’ll be mine again_

Another day is gone and still, I’m alone. Standing in the sand barefoot with only a pair of thin cotton track pants on, I scream to the night sky. “GIVE HIM BACK!” I scream until it feels like my throat is bleeding, and then I scream some more. He was mine. “YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO TAKE HIM FROM ME!” 

Dropping to my knees in the sand I hear whispers around me. I lift my head and look around to darkness. No one is there. Laughter. The fucking sky is twinkling its delightment in my torture down at me. I grab a fist full of sand and throw it to the stars. “Shut up,” I whisper. My voice is gone.

_I wish I could hear your voice_

I’m lying with the covers over my head, the portrait of my twin buried under my arm. I can hear him. His sweet, sweet voice, so soothing and lulling me into weary sleep. 

_Don’t leave me alone in this bed_

I jerk awake, the glass frame is shattered. I’m bleeding. What happened? “Tom?” The darkness encompasses everything and I pull the covers closer, the picture wrinkling in the process. 

_I wish I could touch you once more_

He’s there, or here. We’re here. His fingertips touch my lips and I feel my heart swelling. “Come back,” I mouth against the calloused tips. He shakes his head under the covers we’re sharing. I have to let him go. 

_Don’t leave me alone in this bed_

I roll over and glass digs into my side and arm. I sit up straight in the bed. Alone. What happened? Where’d Tom go? I rest my forehead in the palm of my hand, dried blood covering my wrist and arm. Why can’t I remember? I hear whispering and look around the room. “Tom?” Emptiness answers. The frustration inside me causes tears to prick the corner of my eyes. _What happened?_

_What about the plans that we had?  
We’d be crazy not to go.   
Meet me in Capeside._

I’ve cleaned the glass, and my cuts, but the picture still has blood on it. The edges are torn, the middle crinkled. “Oh, Tomi.” I’m between the covers once more, the picture lying on my stomach. I can hear the ocean slapping against the sand outside; the wind rustling the leaves in the trees by the windows. Is that him? Is he home? I’m here...where is he? I bite my lip and stare at the setting sun through the glass doors. 

_I wish I could hear your voice  
Don’t leave me alone in this bed  
I wish I could touch you once more  
Don’t leave me alone in this bed_

I turn over and I swear I can feel his body pressed against the back of mine. I’m almost positive those are his fingers tickling down my arm, my side, over my hip. His breath is on my neck, I’m sure of it. _“Let go.”_ I can feel him, he’s real. I snuggle back against him and press the cold metal blade to my wrist. We’re together.

_Don’t leave me alone  
Don’t leave me alone  
Don’t leave me alone in this bed_

My body is cold, or my insides are cold. I feel my mind drifting and I can see him clearly. My Tomi is smiling at me, his arms outstretched and waiting for me. He’s here, finally he’s here. I can’t move towards him; my feet are glued to their spot. I panic. 

_Don’t leave me alone  
Don’t leave me alone  
Don’t leave me alone in this bed_

Pain. Pain burns through my entire body and I gasp for breath. I can’t breathe, something’s wrong. Where’s Tom? I scream wordlessly and feel hands holding me down. “TOM!” Everything’s black. 

Later I wake in an unfamiliar room. White walls, white floor, white sheets. Where am I? “Tom?” I call out to him, he should be here. I try to move my arms, they’re bound to the bed. Where am I? 

“Tom, don’t leave me alone in this bed...”

The door opens and someone I don’t know comes in mumbling about medicine. She’s glad I’m finally awake. I close my eyes and see Tom in the distance. The more I focus on him, the less I see him. I let the sobs have me and my body convulses with the strength behind them. I choke on my own air and beg to die. Blackness swirls in my vision and I’m unconscious again, but I know I’ll wake again. Alone. 

They don’t understand how much I need him. They just want me here for them. “Tomi.”


End file.
